Monday, January 31, 2005

Univeristies Part Deux

So, remember the Vagina Monologues thing? Well I'm walking the dog with my wife this weekend and I'm seeing stakes and torn up signs all over the campus. I looked at a few signs here are some that I saw.

"Sexual Violence affects everyone"
"1 in 4 women suffer sexual assault"

Yeah they all support anti-violence messages. Even better, they are all torn down. So tell me, what is the point? What were these kids thinking?

Did they think they were supporting the anti-Vagina Monologues message?
Did they think they were making a moral statement about open female sexuality?

Well regardless I'll tell you what they did. They torn down signs supporting anti-violence. To me that says you don't support sexual crime awarness. Really, it tells me that you support sex-crimes. Since I know that's probably not true, I'll just assume that they are fucking morons. Immature pricks should think about the consequences of their actions before they take part in them. Fucking morons. These are the same pricks that complain about all their professors being liberal. You don't have to think like the professors you stupid shit you just have to go pass the class.


Sunday, January 30, 2005

Chuck and Adam on The PDX Squad

As you might remember Chuck and I attended the Portland stop of the Tour and we had a great time. Greg was a great host and we had many great conversations on and off the air. If you want to know some of the topics we talked about off the air Skype Me and we can talk all you want. For all the on air conversations go Here. We were at table 2. That will make sense if you check out that link.

I only have good things to say about my experience there and I hope you enjoy what you hear if you choose to check this out.

BTW Jackie and Marilyn make an appearance there is if you like to hear what the wives of podcasters think about all this stuff, tune in.


Friday, January 28, 2005


Do you ever wonder who would speak at your funeral. If so do you wonder what they'd say. I know most likely Adam would talk. He'd tell everyone I would want them to remember that I was an asshole and loved to piss people off. What a way to go out.

I was also thinking the other day that I want someone to develop a soundtrack for my life. I don't want a movie or pictures just a soundtrack. I don't want it now either. I just want it played at my funeral.


I'm there for you buddy. Well, I wish I could be there for you. You see, I'm probably going to be the one that kills you so I'll be in jail for your funeral. Or on the lamb at least unless I can pull the perfect murder. OK, that is what I will do. So, yes, I will be there for you. Unless I'm not at as smart as I think I am. SHIT, ok, so I will be in jail so maybe I can phone in a eulogy or something. Might kinda piss off your family though. I guess I really didn't think this through did I? I'm still fucking killing you though. You can bet on that.
Love ya bother......


Thursday, January 27, 2005

Portland Beercast

Last night was Portland, OR night to shine on the Beercasting tour. Chuck and I went and we got to meet Tim from NorthwestNoise which is another podcaster here in portland.

It was a lot of fun. I drank too much beer, talked too loud, yelled at everyone, had sex with a camel, then the camel robbed me.

Tim was even cooler than I thought he was going to be. Really funny guy. I can't wait to hang-out with him again.

I learned that camels are really good lovers. If you talk dirty to them.

I need sleep...............................


Patriot Act

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

--Benjamin Franklin

Some of those liberty restrictions are up for a revote in 2005. Should I be afraid of what will happen?


Wednesday, January 26, 2005




Discussion Part Deux

Ok, I need to continue Adam's discussion of what a discussion is or is not.

Adam is absolutely correct in his assessment that you are not having a discussion if either party does not consider things objectively or is closed to the idea that they might be wrong or need to do more research.

Furthermore, if you take part in on-line discussions I would like to present Chuck's Rules for Discussion.

1) Do not assume that because someone disagrees with your view they are either uneducated or ignorant.

While this may very well be true, you don't have evidence of it. You do not know their reasoning for believing what they do. They may be meticulously uninformed or they may have not done enough research. There are many other reasons someone may disagree with you including the possibility that you are wrong. It does not automatically mean they are dumb. Do not personally attack anyone's education until you have direct evidence that they infact are not well educated and do infact have the IQ of a pigmy.

2) If you think someone is wrong don't just say "That's dumb you suck." Instead tell the person why you believe they are wrong, tell them your own opinion and give them advice on where to get more information.

Some people like to be misinformed and will never listen to what you have to say. However, some are open to doing some more data collection and will take your advice. If you don't tell people what you believe you are not having a discussion. You are just a malevolent attacker.

3) If you supply evidence of your beliefs make sure it is actually evidence of what you believe.

This is an instance where it is OK to tell someone they are morons. If you give someone evidence that is contrary to what you believe, you are ignorant. I cannot help you.

4) Do not make generalizations or missunderstand the difference between a correlation and a cause.

This is an instance where it is OK to tell someone they are morons. If you give someone evidence that is contrary to what you believe, you are ignorant. I cannot help you.

5) Your boyfriend/girlfriend is not an expert on anyting do not use them as if they are.

This is an instance where it is OK to tell someone they are morons. If you give someone evidence that is contrary to what you believe, you are ignorant. I cannot help you.

6) If you try to have a discussion with someone do not discuss things irrellevant to the orignal discussion.

Bringing up new topics because you have nothing to say about the old ones does not make you seem smart.

7) If you find something in the other persons statements that you agree with let them know.

This helps keep the tone light and makes the difference between an intelligent discussion and a belligerant argument. It will help them look at your opinions in a different light.

That's all for now. If you want to add any rules feel free. If you see anyone break any of these rules please send them here. If they want to argue with me about the rules they can. I will school them, because I am right.


Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Chuck and Adam Do Everything Podcast Episode #20

The Pissed Off Podcast!!!!
The latest edition of our podcast was posted last night. Check it out and leave us comments here. We have not been getting many comments or any email feedback. Anyone out there?


Update: There have been two comments here about this podcast and both have expressed shock about this program. Is it really so shocking? I sure didn't think so when we recorded it. Any more opinions out there? -AR

Food For Thought

Totalitarian regimes justify their existence by means of a philosophy of political monism, according to which the state is God on earth, unification under the heel of the divine state is salvation, and all means to such unification, however intrinsically wicked, are right and may be used without scruple. This political monism leads in practice to excessive prvilege and power for the few and oppression for the many, to discontent at home and war abroad... Hence, the attempt to impose more unity upon societies than their individual members are ready for makes it psychologically almost impossible for those individuals to realize their unity with the divine Ground and with one another.

From the book Perennial Philosphy by Aldous Huxley


Monday, January 24, 2005

Dr. Duff Poem

My wife, Marilyn, is going through some of her old papers from college tonight and she found this little treasure that I just had to share with the Internet. She wrote this while in a boring sociology class taught by Dr. Duff. Here it is in it's glorious entirety.

Duff, Duff,
I've had enough
Sitting through this class is very rough
You are so boring
I am almost snoring
Where in the world do you get this stuff?
Does it come from your brain?
NO, you are insane.
Does it come from a book?
No, not last time I had a look.
I know where it comes from, you big mass of gas,
The stuff coming out of your mouth originated in your ass!

What's Wrong With Universites?

So the University that both Adam and I graduated from is not allowing their Femininst Discussion Group to participate (individually or collectively) in any way with any production on or off-campus of The Vagina Monologues. Is it just me or is this inherently out of line with the goals of a post-secondary institution? I could talk about this for hours since I have done tremendous amounts of research on it but I won't. I want to hear other opinions. Keep in mind also that The Vagina Monologues has turned into a production that does a lot to promote the anti-violence towards women message and that statistically 1 in 4 women will experience sexual assault or rape in their lifetime.

To find out more about The Vagina Monologues or V-Day (a global movement to stop violence against women) check out the link. V-Day promotes creative events to raise awareness and raise money for anti-violence groups.

Book Reccomendation

I read a lot of blogs. I see a lot of "discussions." Recently I have seen many about education and liberals taking over colleges. Mostly students, these kids don't seem to know that their argument started during Reagan's administration with Alan Bloom. In my opinion regardless of their position on the subject none of the people having these discussion touch the real crisis in education. They don't understand that the real problem in our education system has nothing to do with partisan politics and goes much deeper. Benjamin Barber, a political science professor, wrote a great book An Aristocracy of Everyone about the real education crisis. He objectivly critiques the debate about PC and multiculturalism from both sides and gives his own philosophy on what education in a democracy should really be about. I give it a huge recommendation and would argue it is the most important book written in the past few decades regarding the American education system.


Friday, January 21, 2005

New Sarcasm Notation

In all future posts to this Blog, Chuck and Adam will be using a new notation to indicate their use of sarcasm. Hence forth ^s SARCASTIC COMENT ^ will be their notation for a sarcastic comment. Here is an example of it's use.

^s President Bush is a fucking Genius!^
^s Adam has a GIGANTIC cock!^

Well, that second example is not really sarcastic. That's just a flat out lie. But you get the idea. Look forward to the use of this fantasic technology speading far and wide to clear up the vast confusion of stupid people.

(speaking in the third person for effect)

Definition of an Argument or Discussion

I just want to make a quick statement to clear up something that few people today seem to understand. An argument or discussion is basically the same thing, just depends on how animated the people are so from here on out I'm lumping them together into discussion.

A discussion is NOT two or more people communication about a topic each trying to change the others mind in some way.

A discussion requires willingness of the people involved to have their minds changed. If no one communicating is open to change your just beating your head against a wall.

I know this is so totally obvious that you all must be mad at me but I see this SO much. This is especially true on blogs and message boards and such. People talk and talk and talk, never with the intention of changing their minds. How pointless is that? If your not willing to change your mind shut the fuck up! I'm done with you. Fuck off, you stupid arrogant coward. You don't have all the answers, no one does. ^s Not even me, but I'm close.^

The next time you encounter this behavior you have two options:
1. Link that person to this post or try and explain their error to them. ^s Good Luck. ^
2. Give up because it is truly hopeless. That's what I'm going to do from here on out.


Sponge Bob is Gay?

Sponge Bob is Gay? Wow. Those right wingers sure are afraid of homosexuality. You know I just don't get it. Especially this whole defense of marriage thing. I'll put it simply homosexuals can't marry and haven't been able to. Therefore it is pretty fucking hard to blame them for the decline in the sanctity of marriage. Who know who's fucked up marriage? The fucking heterosexuals who keep getting divorced. Don't blame gays for your own fucking problems. Now if you want to admit that you are homophobic and think gay sex is gross. Fine. But just fucking admit your problems instead of throwing out this sanctity of marriage bullshit.


If this topic interests you at all you should listen to the interview of Jim Wallis I posted here eariler today. I really love what this guy has to say and I just can't say enough about him. And the weirdest part is I don't even totally agree with all he has to say. It's just that he has a valid point of view. Some people do not. Period. And this includes our President. Please try and change my mind. I wish you luck.



Our friend from drinking and dialing doesn't like people talking about shit. She seems to think that it is gross. I have to ask people to watch this. If you watch this and you still want to talk about your poop problems you must be severly fucked. Anyone this ones for you Branshine but you might not want to watch.


NPR : Rev. Wallis: Sojourners and Politics

NPR : Rev. Wallis: Sojourners and Politics

Here is a link to and interview that NPR did with Rev. Jim Wallis on 01-21-05. It's a little over 20 minutes long but I highly recomend giving it a listen. This guy gives an eloquent voice to religious liberals. This guy has his head on straight. If you listen to this interview you will have a good view into my mind on current politics.


There's No Excuse For This

View at your own risk


Chuck, seriously, layoff the cough syrup. OK man? I'm worried about you.


I Want to be a Eunuch

You know, even if I wanted to lower my libido I wouldn't castrate myself. Can you imagine calling 911?

"Yeah, I can't stop bleeding"
"What's wrong sir?"
"I castrated myself"

At this point the operator is laughing his/her ass off.

What's really funny is that I threatened to castrate Adam the other day and then tried to find internet directions to perform the procedure so I could email the link to him (validating my threat). I couldn't find any. How hard did this guy look to find the directions. That's crazy. I mean really, I tried. I couldn't.


Thursday, January 20, 2005

Jim Wallis: The first religious person with some sense.

Jim Wallis

I was watching the Daily Show from a couple days back and this guy was the guest. Goddamn I love the Daily Show! It's the only TV show that I know of that doesn't make me projectile vomit for days on end.

Anyway, so this Jim Wallis guy was on the show talking about his new book "God's Politics". The basic premise is that government and politicians have got it all wrong and are just using religion as a shield to hide behind so they can keep doing whatever they want. Thank God someone said it, and on national TV no less.

When I was in High School most of the evangelical kids wore those WWJD "What would Jesus Do?" bracelets. I always thought they were stupid because anyone really serious about religious living shouldn’t need a damn bracelet to remind them not to do bad things. All they really are is a badge to make them different (better) than everyone else.

The point is those kids were pretty good kids, but not any better than the rest of us. They sure did think they were better though. That brings me back to Mr. Wallis. In his interview on the daily show he said “Christians need to remember that they don’t have a monopoly on morality.” YES!!!! That might not be the exact quote but it’s close and it makes the same point.

If Jesus were our president how much money would be make available to the military for invading other countries? For Nuclear Bombs? For tax loop holes and kickbacks to big business? What the fuck would Jesus do motherfucker?!?!?!

I want more people to start wearing those stupid bracelets again because I think people really do need a constant reminder. Because lots of people are not asking themselves “What would Jesus do?” nearly enough. Mr Bush, would Jesus have done the same things are you have over the past 4 years? If you say yes, you’re a liar and you don’t really believe or understand what the divine means.

My problem is I don’t believe but I understand this religious crap better than most of the people that DO believe. Everyday I see the hypocrisy that is passing for moral values all around me and it makes me sick. There is one guy that get it though, Jim Wallis. I want this guy to be a star! I want Jim Wallis to take over TV. I may not agree with his religious view but I know where he’s coming from. I don’t believe that Jesus was God but if you live like he did your doing pretty damn good. Better than me, and better than YOU!

Now tell me how I’m wrong. I’d like to know. I’ve thought about this very subject at length for years now and I have not come to a satisfactory conclusion. Flame away.


Yeah, I noticed that Sarah blogged about Jim Wallis today too. You guys hear this shit before me because The Daily Show comes on after my bedtime. I feel your pain on the whole WWJD thing. You know what I think? It seems that whenever religion gets brought out for political reasoning people suddenly forget about the New Testament. We here all these religious morality excuses for defense of marriage as well as everything else, but really Jesus preached tolerance. I could go on and on but I won't. The point is the christian right doesn't seem to understand their own religion they just tramp it out and find ways to confirm their own beliefs. It's sad because it's the extreme right making the whole faith community look bad. It's good that people like Jim Wallis can write intelligent things and remind people that there are some in the faith community that aren't total wack jobs.

I hope your quote is accurate because that is perfect. Christians don't have a monopoly on morality. Did people suddenly forget that Christianity is not the only religion in the world. Besides that you don't have to be a member of any cult to have a set of morals. The main morality of most the worlds religions tend to be in agreeance with each other. That doesn't mean that agnostics and atheists are not moral people. To me it tends to point to the fact that humans have a tendency to agree on a relatively easy set of moral beliefs. Anyway, I'm typing too much I'm done.


Chyuck's Darwin Awards

Perfect example of people that should be sterilized.


Holy Shit

Lets just say that if I had a vagina I would not be excited about pushing a 7lb beast with shoulders out of it. But... Wow! Giving birth to a 16lb baby. This woman deserves some serious medals.


Chuck, if you fucking read the story before you posted it you would have seen that the baby was born by Caesarean section. No medal needed.


Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Hit Um With The Gay Juice

Are we really so afraid of homosexuality that we would consider using it as a weapon? Or was it really just a diversionary tactic and I'm reading too much into this? Hmmmm...


Free Spirit Spheres

Check this out. Little globules you can live in. If I were an Ewok I would totally want one.


Naming Kids

I don't think people should name their children after flowers.

No Jasmine. No Lily. No Petunia. No Holly. No Rose. No Hydrangea. No Marigold.

No flowers.

Just my opinion. You can disagree, but I'll ridicule you.


Beverage Warmers

I got one. I know it's a simple device. Still, it keeps my coffee from getting cold. That rocks.


Interesting Stuff

This is interesting. It is information on political contributions from major corporations through political action commitees. I don't know the validity of the info and it is compiled from third parties but regardless it is interesting information for people on either side of the fence.


Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Shy Doctor

I went and had a physical with a new doctor because I have new insurance. It was weird. He was a little shy. Especially about one part of the exam.

When you are a male physicals require doctors to feel your testicles. Usually it's not a big production they just tell you to drop trou and do their thing.

This doctor sort of beat around the bush about it. He was like "Well we could check your testicles but only if you want." Like I was 10 or something. So I said "Whatever I'm cool either way" and he said "It's probably a good idea." ......strange moment of silence...... "Well you would have to take off your pants." yeah it was just odd it was like he was timid about it. I want my doctor to act like he's touched 145,765.36 testicles and it's no big deal. You know?

If you read this and think it's too much information. Then fuck off. You'll live. Almost half the nation has testes. It's no big deal.


Brute-forcing unreleased GTA San Andreas cheat codes

I post this for chuck and everyone else that enjoys the Grand Theft Auto game series. This is totally fucking AWESOME from a geek standpoint but I'm sure that we are losing blog readers from this post. Fuck-it! I don't like you people anyway.


Dude, I may like my GTA but I'm not that fucked up. I don't have enough time, energy or desire to do that kind of shit. Plus, you are now degrading all the people like me that like the challenge of beating a game without cheating. What the hell do you take me for? A lazy cheater? Are you calling me lazy? Are you calling me a cheater? Well FUCK YOU. I'm calling you an asshole.


Chuck, you are lazy. You are an asshole. That is not up for discussion. And, yes, you are a cheater and you like it. Fucking deal.


Girls Shouldn't Do Math

It's amazing that so many people (especially those that should know better) still think there are biological reasons that girls do not traditionally succeed in math and science. Most modern research has shown that there is no biological reason for the discrepancy in math performance and that it is based primarily on secondary social influences. It is attitudes like this that propagate the discrepencies in math and science performance. If boys and girls were equally encouraged in all subjects we would see these discrepencies disapear and students would gravitate towards the subjects they excel in instead of what they are pushed into.


Why Would You Try This?

I just don't see myself hanging out at a hotel and going "Hey, lets see if I can still do a handstand. Right here on the railing. What? You say it's a bad idea? No. I can do it. Just watch."

I'm not saying she deserved to die. Still, use some common sense.


Nothing To Say

Read it for yourselves, I have nothing to say.


Monday, January 17, 2005

Chuck and Adam Do Everything Podcast Episode #17



Want To Impress A Woman?

Don't buy her weapons.

I had this friend in high school, Kevin. He liked another friend of mine, Jen. Let's just say that Kyle wasn't very smooth with the ladies so when her birthday came around he asked me what he could do for her that she would really appreciate. I gave him a few good ideas.

Then, a few days after her birthday Jen called me and said "What is wrong with Kevin?" Having no clue waht she was talking about I made her explain. He had given her a card talking about how if he could have three wishes they would be 1) His skin disease would go away 2) Terri Hatcher could be his girlfriend 3) That she would be his girlfriend. Yep, she came in third. If that wasn't bad enough, he gave an outspoken pacifist a police baton. Yep, gave her a weapon for her birthday. A girl who hates weapons.

If you want to impress women, make sure you put them first on your wish list and give them gifts that appeal to their hobbies and desires not your own.


Have You Ever Been This Drunk

I just feel for this guy. I don't think I've ever done this but I should probably ask Adam.


Chuck, you know personally that I have been that drunk or more drunk on numerous occasions. I don't think I have ever done that particular act before but I could see it happening. Not that I'm proud of my behavior at those times.


Safeway Evangelists

Here's this weekend's story. Adam and I were hanging out on Friday. We decided to drink 40's of Mickeys fine malt liqour, BS and watch a little TV. Well, after a while we were bored. In order to cure our boredom we went to Blockbuster to rent a quality film to distract ourselves. Unfortunately there were not any quality films that we hadn't seen. So we were forced to rent mediocre stand up. While we were searching my wife called and ordered dessert so we had to hit Safeway before going home. At the cash register something triggered my brain to remember the current debate regarding evolution and the challenging of evolution as a theory in some text books. We had a little discussion about this. We didn't even speak about whether or not we thought creationism or intelligent design should be in schools or any of that. We only discussed the fact that most of the arguments from creationists come down to "Evolution is just a theory." So we complained that if that was the basis people also should attack other theories such as the theory of gravity or the theory of relativity. Things which are generally not debated. We also talked about the fact that creation and intelligent design are not scientific theories.

Well, in the middle of this discussion the lady in front of us chimes in with her "I don't mean to interrupt but I've been an evangalical christian for 10 years and..." Now, I have no problem with intellectual debate but picture this.

We are in what could only be described as a "ghetto" Safeway. We are two guys who are visibly intoxicated from 40's of malt liquor. We are obviously highly opionanted. It is 10:30 on a Friday night and we are buying chips and ice-cream. I don't think this woman made the best possible choice in choosing to talk to us. Thankfully, we were nice to her. I think. Really, I'm probably the only person that finds this amusing. But, if you know Adam and Chuck it might make you laugh.


Watch Out For The Guy In Chains

Have you ever heard the song "Sunglasses At Night" by Corey Hart? Well there's this line in it.

"Don't masquerade with the guy in shades oh no."

Have you ever thought that the lyrics there were actually

"Don't masterbate with the guy in chains oh no."

Yeah, me either. But I can legitimately say I've heard someone sing the song that way actually believing those were the lyrics.


My Kind of Woman

Wow. I couldn't eat a 6lb burger if I tried. Then add in all the other shit. One and a quarter pounds of cheese? That's just nasty. Still if she can do it all the more power to her.


Stop Ashlee Simpson

Please everyone... sign this petition. We need to stop Ashlee and the rest of the brood. When I signed I was number 42251 at 9:03 am.


Friday, January 14, 2005

If Tomorrow Never Comes

Tell me, does anyone really think about this shit? Because really, if tomorrow isn't going to come I have way too much shit to do. I mean in order to prepare for that eventuality I would have to undertake unaccomplishable goals. So I decided long ago I just have to go through life assuming that tomorrow will come. Besides past experience has taught me that this is a good assumption. After 10037 tomorrows without one not coming I think it's safe to assume another one will come.


But will you be ready when tomorrow doesn't come? Ya, I know, who cares.


Bottled Water

Do you think that if I took some really cool labels, put them on some bottles and filled them with my toilet water I could sell them and make tons of money? Nobody would have to know it was not naturally filtered water. Or maybe water filtered through my Brita?


Man Meets Weed Whacker

Why? That's all. Just watch the video and tell me why.


Man Oh Man

I can only laugh at this because I don't know how badly this woman was hurt. In light of that... damn that's funny!


Random Question

This one's for the ladies...

What is up with groupies? I mean I can understand wanting to do Colin Farrell or Kenny Chesney or Mathew McCanna whatever. But some of these rock guys are not attractive and you know they have random groupie sex. I mean come on Tom Petty, Mick Jagger, Marilyn Manson the list goes on. What's the appeal that causes one to want to fuck an ugly celebrity?


Bloggers that like us

I am sitting here in my cube bored off my ass so I decided to make a list of all the kewl people that comment on this blog. I'm doing this mainly to see if any of these people notice so if you read this crap post a comment here and add a like to your blog if I haven't already put one below.

Sarah: What is Past is Prologue
She is my favorite!

Branshine: Episodes of Drinking and Dialing in Brandyland
Very Funny stuff

Cattiva: Does This Mean I'm a Grown-Up?
Only commented once but has a kewl blog as well.

Martinilove: This is it.............
Same comment as for cattiva.

Posthipchick: Post-Hip Chick
I read some old posts and found them quite enjoyable.

Claire: Life Despite God
No description will fit.

This guy has his heart in the right place but there is still something missing.

LinF: Babblings Of The Broken Hearted
Funny Blog. Clever girl.

Nate: Nater's Random Thoughts
Just started a new blog so lets get him some readers. I expect good things from Nate.


Random Lyrics

Where in the world did anyone get the idea to write "Pour Some Sugar On Me" I mean I know what the song is about. But why? Crazy non-hearing felines.


Podcast #16

I posted a new podcast late last night. I little lower energy than usual but still pretty high quality. Chuck and I want to encourage all the people that read this blog, and enjoy it, to listen to the podcast as well. If you like our writing I'm sure you'll like our podcast as well. Also, if you don't mind, first time listeners please post a comment here so we can give you a shout out on the show. Cheers!


Thursday, January 13, 2005

Military Assaults

I'm concerned that this is the first time I've heard about this and that I had to find out from another blog. Thankfully some people (not me obviously) actually blog abour relevant shit. Wow, gotta love what the military does for women. Thanks for helping in the war lets just forget that little rape incident.


Chimps Will Kick Your Ass

Everyone's gotta watch this video. If you ever thought you could take a chimp Charlie will change your mind.


Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Origami Boulder

Wow. I want some of these.


Funny Phone Calls

So this guy calls me today. Keep in mind at any point I can have 5-10 drivers I need to talk to dispersed throughout the 48 states. This is our conversation.

Him: I need directions to get there.
Me: Where do you need directions to sir?
Him: I am here
Me: Where are you sir?
Him: On the 35.
Me: Where are you going to sir?
Him: To load.
Me: Where are you loading sir?
Him: In Ft Worth.

Finally we get somewhere. I give him directions. 30 minutes later. I hear another person in my office talking on the phone. Here is what I hear.

Employee 2: Where do you need directions to?
Employee 2: Where are you?
Employee 2: Where are you going?
Employee 2: Where do you need directions to?
Employee 2: Who did you talk too?

Here we go. Yep. Who else could it be.

Him: I need directions and an address.
Me: Where to sir?
Him: There?
Me: I give him the address to the delivery since he allready has directions to the pick up.
Him: No I need directions. I am on the 35.
Didn't we allready do this. Oh well....
Me: Ok from the 35....

Why do I have these conversations?


Woman Ripps Off Man's Testicle

Please, somebody, tell me this isn't true. I don't want this to be possible. Jackie, if you read this don't get any ideas. I want to keep my testicles.


Dress Codes

I got a new dress code at work today

We have eliminated casual Fridays. Now I don't get to wear jeans on Fridays. Talk about lame. But I noticed a few other interesting portions.

Not Acceptable
T-Shirts, Sweatshirts, Sleeveless Shirts.

I am of the opinion that sleeveless shirts should not be acceptable anywhere where a dress code is appropriate to instate. They are just not neccessary unless you are a construction worker or a personal trainer.

Not Permitted At Any Time for Men or Women
Any tight fitting clothing -including shirts, skirts, casual slacks, spandex, knit pants, leggings

Once again I don't think spandex should be acceptable anywhere where a dress code is in effect. Furthermore I don't think there is ever an appropriate time for spandex. Let's just make a universal dress code outlawing the use of spandex by any human being.

Not Permitted At Any Time for Men or Women
See-Through fabrics

Wouldn't wearing a see-through fabric negate the entire point and process of getting dressed?

Not Permitted At Any Time for Men or Women
Hairsyles that are not professional in nature to include hair longer than collar length for men.

I wonder if my shower then throw on stocking cap hairstyle is considered professional. I hope so because otherwise I'll just have to shave my head. I can't deal with hairstyles. It's just not my style.


Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Gizmodo : Laptops/PCs : Apple Archives

Apple iProduct

This is for all you mac lovers out there. You may now stick it you know where.


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Real Ultimate Power

Check out this website. It is a satirical look at ninjas. Some funny shit can be found here. There is a great movie script that I linked to. Also, make sure to read the hate mail. Once again some ignorant fuckers just don't understand satire. Sometimes I hate being well educated.


More Funny

I just have too much funny to share with everyone today. Here is a funny rant I heard on Let me know what you think.


I Guess Anyone Can Adopt A Highway

Well, I guess if their cleaning up you can't not let the Klan adopt a highway right?

No. I say fuck them. I'd rather leave some litter on the side of the road. But the original author does make a point. It would be an interesting hit and run.


Donkey Friend

Be forewarned that this video is not appropriate for anyone who is not a sick fuck. I just couldn't keep from posting this. It's just too good. Enjoy!


Fuck Those Yellow "Support Our Troops" Magnets

NO, I'm not anti-patriotic. I'm just as American as anybody. My problem is that those idiotic magnets do NOTHING to help "Support Our Troops". There are 2 things that we can do to support our troops and putting fucking magnets on your car is not one of them. First, pay your taxes and don't cheat. Second, elect leaders that will use the military properly. This is not what is currently happening.

Those idiotic magnets are a constant reminder to me that we have millions of troops overseas killing people for no good reason and everyone with a yellow "Support Our Troops" magnet on their car thinks that is a GREAT thing. "They attacked us on 9-11, let's kill'em all!!!!" If you have one of those magnets on your car that is what you are telling me everyday. And I'm not the only one. Some people IN the military agree with me. Shouldn't that tell you something.

One final note. I was visiting my inlaws last weekend and stopped to get some gas. I waited inside the gas station while the tank was being filled and happened upon a nice surprise. They were selling those stupid fucking magnets there for $0.99 but that's not the best part. They were made, you guessed it, in Taiwan. If that's not patriotic I don't know what is. God bless America.


24 and Turkish Racism

Well, lets see if I can piss some people off here...

So all these people are up in arms because there are Turkish-American citizens portrayed as terrorists on the new season of 24. Well you know I was going to try to be polite but in the effort of pissing people off... here is what I have to say. Sit and Spin. That's right if you're lucky, very lucky I might even wiggle a little.

If you are one of these people, here is the first thing I want you to do. Grab a dictionary and look up two words, fiction and nonfiction. Now tell me... which one is 24? In case you are not sure let me explain that nobody has is or ever will single handedly save America from terrorists threats three times. Nobody endures shock therapy until they undergo cardiac arrest then gets back up and keeps fighting. Let me count all the other things that happen that are not realistic in the least. I think the number is 12,342.7.

I'm not saying that I think it's OK for ANY media outlet to portray minorities or those of foreign ancestory in negative roles or to propagate stereotypes. It is not OK. It is not OK for 24 to always have foreign terrorists. It is not OK for CSI to have the majority of criminals be black. It is not OK for "journalism" to enhance stereotypes. This is what I am saying.

In this instance you are missing the bigger picture. This is not about a TV show propagating stereotypes against Turkish citizens. 24 is a show about terrorism and it has to appeal to people to get ratings. There is a reason it gets good ratings, they have figured out how to appeal to the masses. The masses right now are not worried about domestic terrorism, they are worried about foreign terrorists. Why? Because of terrorists attacks that the news media won't let us forget about and the foreign war we are currently entangled in. In this instance I think it is more likely that 24 is reflecting the bias and prejudice of americans. A prejudice ncouraged by the news media that is supposed to be nonfiction. Attacking 24 is a waste of time. Attack the prejudice in the public around you and the news that allows and encourages it's continuation. Attacking 24 is easier because it allows you to pretend your neighbors don't actual have prejudices against Islamic people or those with middle eastern background. Don't settle for the easy out. Attack the real problem.


Stupid Simple Life

Color me surprised. Parents complained that producers and school officials were going to let Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie be substitute teachers at a middle school. They called them bad role models. Ha! That's just the tip of the iceberg. People wonder what's wrong with our schools. Well lets see. Apparently some school board and superintendent think it's okay to let Paris and Nicole be subs in order to earn $5000. It takes parents to complain to make them realize it's wrong? Come on people most middle school students are brighter than Paris and Nicole. Not to mention do you really want an internet porn star as your students sub? Today kids... we'll learn how to smile for the camera while some dude pounds your poon from behind.


I have nothing more to say about stupid celebs. This topic is dead to me. Chuck shall be the only one to talk about this crap from now on.


Stupid Floridian Beurocrats

This is why people need common sense. Does anybody really think that the roadside vendor ban was instigated to keep 10 yr old girls from helping tsunami victims. If somebody had used a little common sense this never would have been an issue. I would have told my little girl to set up a stand anyway... what are they going to do arrest her?


Monday, January 10, 2005

Michael Crichton State Of Fear

So this is Michael Crichton's new book. It is about an environmental group that tries to enhance or cause a few natural disasters to get media attention around a new conference concerning global warming. Throughout Crichton gives arguments for both sides of environmental issues focusing mostly on global warming. However, the real point of the book is that we don't have enough information about the climate to predict the effects of global warming and we don't really know the causes or if it is just a small part of a warming cycle. The larger point is that most research done in the field is not double blind and is too dependent on the outcomes hoped for by the sources of funding.

If you check out the board though people want to argue about global warming to a huge extent and paint Chrichton as either a) a right wing nut, b) a corporate stooge, c) someone who wants to harm the environmental movement or d) an opinonated author with no training who did not research.

A few problems with this.

1) Crichton has a list of sources in the back of the book and asks readers to check them out.

2) Going against the idea of global warming being a tremendous threat goes against all media stories we hear and most reports that people read.

3) He also states that the only way to attack environmental concerns is not through partisan politics.

4) He makes various claims to the fact that the environment should be a concern but that we have no basis in thinking we know how to control it.

5) It is a work of FICTION

Finally many of the people posting have NOT read the book. They don't even know what they are talking about. They just heard that Crichton said global warming isn't happening and got their pretty little panties all in a bunch. Then they came to the board and started arguing. Most of them even admit it. The funniest part. Most of their arguments are addressed in the book. Idiots. Read something before you decided to comment on it. Then stop for a minute and decide whether you just read a scientific article or a piece of science fiction. It might make a difference in your opinion.


Lindsay Lohan

HA!!! Great video. First Ashlee Simpson gets caught now Lindsay. Didn't she say she would never lip synch. Hmm.... Guess she lied.

I am tired of these little talentless snatches who get paid to dress like skanks, dance around and lip synch. Can we get some real music again and leaves these stupid under-age bitches behind?


Everytime I hear about shit like this it makes me SO MAD!!! I'm so tired of getting mad about this crap. I'm sure you all are tired of me getting mad about it too. Here is the problem, what the hell can I do about it? My "Ban on Media" is over, for now, but even then shit was in effect stuff would get to me. No man is an island. Although I'm nearly as big as one. Anyway, here is my solution. A threat. Everytime I hear about a new crap celeb lipsync "incident" I'm going to bottle up my emotions about that event. At some point something will blow and I don't know what that will be. But have great fear! It will not be pretty.


Book Banning

Well I guess some people just don't understand satire. Is it really up to librarians what is or is not in good taste. It's a joke people. You don't have to like it but you can let other people decide for themselves. I don't want anybody deciding what I can or can't read. Oh wait a minute I can't read anyway... fuck it.

Lets talk about books I think are in bad taste.

Anything by Bill O'Reilly
Same with Ann Coulter
Ditto Hemmingway
Anything with talking animals (C.S. Lewis is exempt)
Any childrens book written by a celebrity (especially Madonna or Billy Crystal)


Podcast #15

This show was recorded right after the last show but I'm posting today to keep you all interested until we can record another show this Wed. 31 minutes. Good Shit! The Laptop came today so the next show will RULE!!!!!

Wow... Some People are Just Too Dumb

So many things are wrong with this story.

1) Why do you leave your guns somewhere where a burglar has easy access to them and is able to break into your house steal them and hold you up with them? Wow Marge lets leave guns around the house so someone can break in and shoot us...

2) Once you have allready taken jewelry and guns why don't you just leave? Hmm... maybe it would be fun to just go fuck with these people instead of escaping.

3) If you don't leave while you can why do you instead hold up the homeowners and make them sing carols? I know it's the Christmas season lets all sing together. I don't have any friends these people will pretend if I threaten to kill them...

4) Why do you then offer to buy them pizza? Wow, all that singing and dancing made me hungry. I should buy everyone pizza.

5) Why are you playing with the guns instead of leaving? You know, before I leave I should really check the status of these guns. I wonder if they regularly clean them?

6) If you can't manage to not shoot yourself don't become an armed burglar. You know even though I don't really know anything about guns I think I'll rob people at gunpoint.

Why couldn't the burglar have just killed himself and eliminated himself from the gene pool?


Way Too Much Time

Wow. This dude has way too much time on his hands. Do you really need to call every number you can think of with 867-5309. I mean I guess it is only 1000 numbers but still who has the time to do this shit? Why would you do this shit? Have no life? Bored? Got dumped? No TV? No books? No legs? No arms? I don't know....


Interesting Thought

Have you ever wondered how many of the people you know are the result of accidental pregnancies? Have you ever wondered if you are the result of an accidental pregnancy?


Friday, January 07, 2005

Tsunami Damage

I'm taking a break from my normal irrelevance and angry rants to share these pics of damage from the Tsunami. Don't worry Angry/Irrelevant Chuck will return.


I'm On Hold

I've come to a realization. I don't like hold music.

There are certain things that happen when you are on hold for someone.

1) You listen to Muzac. I hate this. If they are going to play music at least play something good that I can enjoy listening to. I don't like elevator music. I want Bon Jovi or Creed, something with balls. Give me Muzac and I want to sleep. Not to mention I listen to my own music I don't need yours.

2) They play music. Considering my last option you would think I would appreciate this. No... Becuase the assholes play Bette Midler or Barbara Streisand. Like I said I want something with balls. You know Ani DiFranco or Train.

3) Some jackass relays information about the company you called. I allready know everything I need to know or I wouldn't have called in the first place. I don't care if you have exceptional customer service or if you won awards or what your hours are.

4) Some jackass tells you how many calls are ahead of you. This shit doesn't help either. Are they going to take 10 seconds or 10 minutes. 1 call could be longer than 10. Fuck off give me real information.

5) Silence. Ahhh... the sweet sounds of silence. This is the only option I like. I can hear MY music and nobody gives me any lame ass information I don't need.

Other things I hate.

1) The person who put you on hold (not the person you want to talk to) picks up and says "blah blah... This is _____" Well no shit and the last time you said that I asked for the person you put me on hold for. If you are going to pick up again just ask me if I want to continue to hold or not. If the person is taking a shit or something just tell me. I'm cool with that. We all have to poop.

2) They hang up on you. I just spent 15 minutes on hold and you hang up on me? What the fuck? Now I have to call back and be on hold again. If you were within single day driving range I would come over there right now and beat you across the head with your own fucking phone. I would not stop until your ears are just a mangled mess of flesh and all of your teeth have fallen out. Then you would never be able to answer the phone again. That is what you deserve for hanging up on me.

Finally, if anyone reads this and is concerned for my mental stability... Fuck Off. I'll beat all of you. All of you will learn what happens when your phone ettiquette sucks.


Chuck and Adam Do Everything Podcast Episode #14

The latest podcast was posted VERY late last night, or early this morning. I guess it just depends on how you look at it. In any case I was up late last night being a total jackass and getting drunk while I finished putting the show together. Thankfully we recorded the show before I lost my mind so it won't suck. I mean, it will. But not more that usual.

I have no idea why I thought it would be a good idea to drink lots of beer last night. I mean, I'm at work right now and all I can think about is trying to find a place to hide so I can curl up into a big fat ball and take a nap. But there is nowhere to hide in this place. FUCK!!! I'm so stupid. Anyway, comment on this post if you have something to say about this show.

Also, we recorded our audition podcast that we will be sending to Mickey's (Fine Malt Liquor) along with our sponsorship application. I think it turned out great but we still don't have any chance of getting something from them. Oh well........But what if we did? NO, Adam. Stop it. We won't. Ok.


Lets Break It Down

Ok here's what will happen in the next 4 seasons of Real World. The cast members will be thrown into a house somewhere where there is plenty of things they can get in trouble doing. The house will be decked out with anything they could ever want. Fish tank with exotic fish, computers, books, big screen TV, a huge kitchen, pool table, barking cats and everything else except their own bedroom or more than one bathroom. The cast will include all of the following, 1) a token minority preferably either black or asian possibly both or mixed. 2) An openly gay male or a closeted gay male who is very very very effeminate. 3) Someone who we will refer to as not very open to other world views. 4) Somebody with a physical illness or mental issues preferabbly an alcoholic. 5) Two people who will undoubtedly become a "couple" but won't be able to maintain a relationship because of their strange circumstances. Most likely one of them is currently dating someone back home. 6) A loner who blends into the background and oftentimes makes the only intelligent statements throughout the entire season. Once thrown together, everything will be great until someone gets drunk and hurts the feelings of the a) gay male b) minority c) unstable mental case/invalid. After things get terribly heated there will be ensuing drama and relationship crises until hopefully at least one person ends up in a scuffle with the police. Finally at the end of the season they will all be friends again, will have changed greatly from this wonderful experience, will promise to keep in touch and cry as each member leaves.

Now I have saved anyone from having to watch any further episodes of ther Real World. Sleep well with the knowldege that if you don't see any Real World between now and 2008 you will not miss anything. I've found it's actually more fun to make up my own Real World characters and stories.


Drunk Dialing

Ok, you have to read Brandy's blog. If you don't read it just for the name then you don't belong here. Furthermore, she nominated me for president. Probably not the best idea but I respect her for riding on the edge. She had a few demands in order to be my vice president but I think I can meet them. Now all we need is a voting public. I will not beg. She is one funny girl though so even if you don't want us ruling your great land at least give her blog a read. I think Brandy would make an excellent guest on the Chuck and Adam Do Everything Show. We need to work on that....


Thursday, January 06, 2005

Stupid Lawsuits

You're kidding me right. You can't sue a television network because you voluntarily watched their show and then hit your head because you were disgusted by it. You chose to watch the show and you chose to run away instead of changing the channel. What a moron.

Furthermore, who is the fucking attorney that actually filed this piece of shit?


Stephen King Steals Inmates Book Idea

Wow, so this inmate wrote a book about a guy with healing powers that were misunderstood and so did Stephen King. Stephen King must have stole his idea.

You know what? Aldous Huxley and Christopher Isherwood wrote a book called Jacobs Hands which was also about a guy with healing powers that were misunderstood. Did the inmate steal their idea? I think their estate's should sue the inmate.


"Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."

Warning label on a digital thermometer.


I Never Thought I'd Say This

Some producers at VH1 must be geniuses...

So imagine if you will the eighties. Some of you remember them some of you were born in them. Regardless, the eighties were a magical time. Everyone should remember or know that there was a crazy fad known as hair bands. These bands were made up of crazy dudes who thought they were metal but were really just glam freaks who borrowed their sisters hair spray and sang lame power ballads. Anyone who remembers the eighties should remember Motley Crue who I think I'm justified in saying officially ended their commercial career with Dr. Feelgood in 89. If you know about the Crue then you know of Vince Neil. Vince was one of those glam guys that took it so far he was apparently the inspiration for Aerosmith's song Dude Looks Like a Lady.

Well, not anymore. Now Vince is a washed up rocker, an alcoholic and an overweight slob. So VH1 had the great idea to "remake" him. What do you do to "remake" Vince Neil? Well you start by hooking him up with a steroid of a man who is a personal trainer. Then you have the trainer remove all the "empty calories" from Vince's house including throwing his beer down the sink. Then you give him some plastic surgery to take care of his unglam wrinkles and take care of a little of that extra poundage. After that you get two of the most raggity looking guys you can find to be his appearance consultants. Of course you cut and color his hair. Then you set him up with some producer to record a new relevant song. Finally when all is said and done you get the new Vince a hot motorcycle and have him perform for a tremendoulsy small crowd at the Palms Casino in the middle of the afternoon.

Yep. It was magic.

I want more. I can hardly wait for more washed up eighties stars to be remade. How about Sebastian Bach, Phil Collins, Brett Michaels, Sting, Richie Sambora, Cindy Lauper, Kip Winger, Mick Jagger, Pat Benatar or just anyone from Def Leppard?


Ninjas Killed My Family. Need Money For Kung Fu Lessons

Actual sign seen on roadside.


Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Ashlee Simpson Sucks (And the Orange Bowl Audience Agrees)

Everyone should watch this. Nothing rocks more than stupid Ashlee Simpson getting booed off stage.


Here's What I Want to do to Drug Smugglers

If they really want to smuggle drugs in someone or somethings body I say we take a two liter bottle filled with liguid heroin and they can cram it up their assess and then they can smuggle the drugs. If nothing else it would be real funny to watch them walk with a two liter in thier ass. Better yet, no puppies are fucked with.


Awesome Judge

You know, I'll agree that it tramples on rights. But if the court has decided it is in the best interests of the children to live with someone else wouldn't it only make sense to ask that the parents do not have more children that will only need to be removed. Sometimes people need to have their rights taken away. We take away licenses from drunk drivers, why not the right to reproduce from asshole parents? I'm all for people taking tests or parenting classes before they can reproduce. Some people just don't need to add to the gene pool.


Who Cares?

Who cares that Jude Law or any other celebrity is: getting married, entangled in a lawsuit, in rehab, hungover, pregnant, sick, hungry, thrown from a horse or any other shit that apparently gets reported as news...

Why do most people know more about celebrities that they will never meet than they do about their own family members and friends?


Tuesday, January 04, 2005

My Dog is Scared of Me

So my dog was barking for 2 hours straight last night for no known reason. Why she would choose to bark after I go to bed even though she is normally the least vocal dog I have ever seen, I can't explain. Regardless, she did, and my wife yelled at her and made her go outside and tried mutliple other ways to get her to shut up. When she came to bed the dog was still barking. By this point I was pissed. So I walk up to the gate separating the hall from the kitchen and call her to me. She came right to the gate. I looked at her and said in a calm and normal manner,

"If you don't shut the fuck up right now I'm going to walk right into the kitchen and kick you in the fucking head."

She went right to the couch and laid down. She didn't bark again. I wish everyone was scared of me the way my dog is...


I'm sorry chuck but your dog is not scared of you. The whole reason she was barking if the first place is to annoy the fuck out of you and get attention. So once she made you get up and talk to her, the misson was accomplished. She was tired from the barking and wanted to rest. She is not scared of you and for good reason. Your the biggest pussy on the planet. You let her do, pretty much, whatever she wants. And the worst part about it is, it's too late. She will never respect you. Ya fucking pussy!!!!!
Have a nice life.........LOSER!!


She's real afraid of Adam. That's why she pees on him everytime he comes over. Whatever Adam. You just have to act like a hard ass so that our listeners think you're cool. You know you bow to me just like my dog. You are nothing but a pussy who has to try to validate himself by ridiculing me on our blog. Talk about passive agressive.


Dick Clark is Not the Meaning of New Year's

Wow ratings for the rockin' new years show were good despite Dick's stroke.

Color me surprised.

Why wouldn't they be? Dick Clark isn't the reason anybody watched that. The dude is like 153.6 years old and not even relevant. It's the entertainment and tradition that keeps it strong. Plus, how many people are really sober enough to remember the show come national hangover day? It's too bad the dude is screwed but I didn't really feel like I lost anything.

Why do people get so upset when celebrities are injured or die anyway? People, you didn't know them. They aren't real to you. You watch them on TV or listen to them on the radio. You haven't, don't nor will you ever develop a relationship with them. It can't really affect you all that much.


Where Do People Find the Time?

So I comment on a lot of wierd shit. Then there's all these people doing even more fucked up shit. Priest molesting kids, serial killers chopping up bodies in wood chippers, hunters fucking up entire hunting parties, terrorists plotting attacks, stock swindlers, drug dealers and just the people that get shit stuck in their asses. Here's my question...

Where the fuck do they find the time?

I mean I blog quite a bit but really I mostly type when I'm on hold for some nimrod that's too busy to answer my call. Kind of ironic isn't it? My free time is when someone else is too busy to talk to me. I definetly don't have time to molest children, hack bodies, shoot animals (or people), plant explosives, invest in stocks, or distribute pharmacuticals. Where do people find the fucking time? Do they not work? Do they not have families? Do they not have friends? I find it hard to believe that they are all retired or independently wealthy hermits.

Then, why is it that their neighbors never noticed there was something seriously wrong with them. My neighbors are normal people they wouldn't just randomly fillet a dog and hang it from a tree to dry. If they were serial killers I think I'd know. Come on people there has to be some warning signs.

Anyway, just wondering...


New Podcast

Chuck and Adam Do Everything Podcast Episode 13 is up! I think it is one of our better show, but as always, you will be the judge. Download at your own risk.


It may be one of the better shows. But... What Adam forgets is that every show is irrelevant and shouldn't be intended for public consumption. Listen anyway though. Go ahead... Waste your time. Let us know how much we suck too. We like to hear that.



I actually remember this happening on an episode of Law and Order. Did she really think she'd get away with it? Even worse it makes people a little sympathetic for MJ who probably really is a child molester.


Killing Troubled Teens

Well, that's one way to stop teenagers from shoplifting.


Falling Down (Gives Me Hope)

This is awesome. I can't believe the guy actually kicked out the window of a cop car. All because Burger King was out of French Fries. It gives me hope that something like Fallind Down really could happen.


Monday, January 03, 2005


So I just want to know... Did this guy think it would be funny to tell people their relatives had died? It's not bad enough that this was a huge natural disaster. Now we have to have some dipshit with nothing to do tell people their loved ones died. What a fucker.


Ahhh... Poor Anna

I am an asshole so I think it's funny that Anna Nicole doesn't get any money. Gold-Digging bitches don't deserve shit for marrying old rich guys. Apparently some judges agree with that thought.


Elephant Rock

Awesome. Elephants are great not only do they act in movies with Angelina Jolie but the move logs. That's cool. I wish I had an elephant.


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