CAADE E65 Lo-Fi podcast Part 2

I hate to admit it but here is another Lo-Fi version of the podcast with none of high tech goodness that I love. Adam tells the story behind finding out he is a Hessian Prince and Chuck Burns a fucking hole in his pop filter. Good times had by all.....except the damn pop filter.

--Adam

I am a Hessian Prince

Using some very unusual methods I have been able to finally figure out why I am so fucking awesome. I am a Hessian Prince. I descend directly from these rich fancy fuckers and badassed warlords in Germany. Think I’m lying; then send me your HOME address and I’ll have my fucking standing army come pay you a visit. Just like the Middle Ages bitches!

If you are my friend be prepared to receive a gift of some ball shreddingly awesome furniture that my factories have been producing for more than 300 years. In addition I’ll let you take a look at my painting that is worth 100 million dollars. That’s right, 9 figures you fucking whores!

I have a golden fucking carriage that carries my awesome ass around pulled but 6 mother-fucking horses. Enough said.

Adam

P.S. Now click this link

CAADE E64 (lo-fi podcast)

Chuck and Adam are not dead. Adam just felt like he wanted to be dead. We are really sorry for the late podcast but shit happens. This is a pretty good show by our standards. It seems pretty clear that the farther apart our podcasts are the better they turn out to be. interesting......

--Adam

Intelligent Design (I'm a Believer)

I've had a breakthrough. I believe in Intelligent Design. Not because of irreducible complexity though. Not because I disbelieve evolution either. Not even because I don't think that the big bang theory is a valid explanation or that life couldn't evolve from primordial soup or that DNA is too ordered to happen by chance. I don't believe in the Christian God either. Nor do I believe in Buddha or the Tao or subscribe to any other creator of any major world religion. Still,

I BELIEVE

There must be an intelligent designer. Here's why:

It all started with my realization that people are just (simply put) royally fucked up. There is no reason why we should have a large population of people that can't see things the way they are. Why do some people think Islam is a country instead of a religion? Why do some people go to Brazil just to join cults? What about those people who don't think CSI is great TV? How come some people drink decaffeinated coffee? What's with people who own little dogs? Who buys a pair of jeans for $150?

I can only come up with one answer to all of these questions. There must be an intelligent force that designed the universe solely for IT'S own entertainment. That's right my friends we are all just entertainment for some intelligent force that created the universe and everything in it.

I have also started developing a religion based upon this realization but it is in it's early phases. I just feel like we have to celebrate our designer in some way.

Keeping in mind that we are here for the entertainment of the Supreme Designer, I think we need to perform sacrificial acts. A few ideas I have had are as follows:

1) Disciples of the Supreme Designer should spend every Thursday involved in sacrificial drinking of Jagermeister. You must drink enough Jagermeister as determined by height to weight ratio in order to render yourself incapacitated. This is to ensure the Supreme Designer's entertainment by providing it with groups of humans behaving oddly and forgetting what they did before they passed out only to wake up the next morning having a tremendous headache asking their friends if they did anything stupid the night before.

2) Worshipers are asked to perform in ritual orgies every Tuesday night. This ensures the entertainment of the Supreme Designer by making sure it has porn on a weekly basis. It is also amuses the Supreme Designer to see people of little relation to each other perform lewd sexual acts. The Supreme Designer is also entertained by the fits of jealousy usually exhibited by one or both partners of committed relationships after the ritual orgies are finished.

3) Every year, the followers of the Supreme Designer shall pick one group of people based upon race, sexual orientation, religious beliefs or some other discerning quality. They will then persecute this group of people for the entire year. This causes entertainment for the Designer because it enjoys watching people foolishly degrade and punish one another.

Finally, I have realized that it is the Supreme Designer who has planted the seed of all other world religions. The Designer enjoys watching feeble humans fight with each other over who’s religion is more correct. So, regardless of what religion you actually believe in, it is really just an evil seed planted by the Supreme Designer. Therefore, everyone is affected by the Supreme Designer whether they decide to believe in it or not.

I don’t know how this realization came to me. I believe that I have been chosen by the Supreme Designer to pass on the insights it has allowed me to have. In some sense I suppose I am a prophet of the Supreme Designer. It has occurred to me that this may just be another attempt by the Supreme Designer to entertain itself, but I will still try to spread the word. Anyone who wants to join the Church of Supreme Design is welcome. I only ask that you donate a small amount to the cause of Supreme entertainment. The Designer likes to watch humans give up their hard earned money in some supposed support of itself.

If you would like to join the Church of Supreme Design you must only believe and offer yourself for the Supreme entertainment. Feel free to leave your comments of support.

--Chuck

Stinking Pile of Shit

Have you ever felt like a midget stuck in a wild life refuge where all the large animals like buffalo and bears and lions just shit all over you all the time? Well if not, it's not a comfortable feeling. Not only are you covered in shit, stinking to high heaven, but you're stuck around all these fucking animals that are 267 times your size and have no human interaction except with stupid tourists that take your picture and make lame ass comments so you want to strangle them with your bare hands and feed them to the giraffes because all they can do is gum them to death. In case you're wondering, I am that midget right now and if you happen to be another fucking tourist then please, please leave me alone.

--Chuck

CAADE Episode 63

One year bitches!!! You said it wouldn't happen but it happened. Wait.....Who said it wouldn't happen? Show yourself you vile fiend. Extra special spectacular bonus feature = Call from Corby.

--Adam

What's Wrong With Education?

I certainly don't know. I've got a few ideas that I could expand upon but nobody really listens to much I have to say. Regardless of how hard I try, people seem to think I'm a stupid little monkey. I know it's because I'm relatively short and don't shave very often which gives me a monkey like appearance, especially when I squat and throw my feces. Still, it would be nice if someone gave me a little credit. I actually do know a little bit about some things and certain institutions have felt it was at least a fair deal to honor me with university degrees. But I know nobody cares what I have to say. Even if I wrote something incredibly insightful and answered all the questions that could lead to massive cultural reforms, people would ignore it and talk about how lame I am and how my ideas are worthless.

That being said I will supply a link to this book. It's called the Underground History of American Education. In all fairness, I haven't read it so I don't know if it's any good. Somehow, I think it might be though. It was written by a thirty year teaching veteran who was distinguished by the New York Teacher of the Year reward. I imagine that's pretty special because New York probably has a few teachers. Anyway, he quit after thirty years and started lecturing about the indoctrination of our youth that is disguised as school. Even if he's wrong it might make for interesting reading. It is available in entirety on the interwebnets so go to it all you thronging masses and read this shit. Then tell me if it's worth my time.

--Chuck


[crying] I'm Chuck and I'm so sad because no one listens to me. It's just because I'm an unshaven monkey. It has nothing to do with my corrosive personality. I swear. You should all know that I'm much smarter than all of you because I have college degrees. Lots of them. Read books for me.

That's pretty much you whole post Chuck. Original.

--Adam

Blog Rot

This is the worst day of my life. Imagine if your kids, wife(husband), parents, grandparents all died together in a plane crash. But they really didn't die they just crashed and had to eat each other to stay alive just like that stupid ass movie. Like that could ever happen. Then right after your grandma gets finished eating your baby girls vagina to stay alive but chokes on the labia and dies anyway there is a massive earthquake and all of south america is literally vaporized. So you go for a drive because you don't know what else to do and you see a giant gorilla fucking a rhino in the ass just because it can. Then after picking up a prostitute you go home and fuck her in your wife's bed, you slept separately. But right before you blow your load you cut your dick off just to spite yourself then have a brain aneurysm and die anyway.

Imagine all that times one thousand and you might have the slightest idea of how bad my mood is right now. Happy thursday.....fuckers!!!

--Adam