Friday, January 07, 2005

I'm On Hold

I've come to a realization. I don't like hold music.

There are certain things that happen when you are on hold for someone.

1) You listen to Muzac. I hate this. If they are going to play music at least play something good that I can enjoy listening to. I don't like elevator music. I want Bon Jovi or Creed, something with balls. Give me Muzac and I want to sleep. Not to mention I listen to my own music I don't need yours.

2) They play music. Considering my last option you would think I would appreciate this. No... Becuase the assholes play Bette Midler or Barbara Streisand. Like I said I want something with balls. You know Ani DiFranco or Train.

3) Some jackass relays information about the company you called. I allready know everything I need to know or I wouldn't have called in the first place. I don't care if you have exceptional customer service or if you won awards or what your hours are.

4) Some jackass tells you how many calls are ahead of you. This shit doesn't help either. Are they going to take 10 seconds or 10 minutes. 1 call could be longer than 10. Fuck off give me real information.

5) Silence. Ahhh... the sweet sounds of silence. This is the only option I like. I can hear MY music and nobody gives me any lame ass information I don't need.

Other things I hate.

1) The person who put you on hold (not the person you want to talk to) picks up and says "blah blah... This is _____" Well no shit and the last time you said that I asked for the person you put me on hold for. If you are going to pick up again just ask me if I want to continue to hold or not. If the person is taking a shit or something just tell me. I'm cool with that. We all have to poop.

2) They hang up on you. I just spent 15 minutes on hold and you hang up on me? What the fuck? Now I have to call back and be on hold again. If you were within single day driving range I would come over there right now and beat you across the head with your own fucking phone. I would not stop until your ears are just a mangled mess of flesh and all of your teeth have fallen out. Then you would never be able to answer the phone again. That is what you deserve for hanging up on me.

Finally, if anyone reads this and is concerned for my mental stability... Fuck Off. I'll beat all of you. All of you will learn what happens when your phone ettiquette sucks.



Blogger Claire said...

thank you for calling, your call is very important to us, we are experiencing heavy call volume and your call will be answered by the next availible rep.

me: Yes, May I speak with Jose Luis Gonzalaz Rodriguiz Contreras.
them: which one, there are 3
me: doesn't matter
them: he speaka no eengwish

I will call the same person that speaka no eengwish 7 times over 8 hours. I'd rather be on hold

1/07/2005 2:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Then the flip side is when They call You - as in telemarketers. My favorite tactic is to answer the phone politely, let them say "Are you happy with the interest on your credit card?" or some such shit, and I say "Oh, just a minute" and then put the receiver down. And walk away and leave it. Let them sit there on hold, listening to my household noise in the background. Eventually they hang up :)

1/07/2005 4:43 PM  

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