Thursday, January 06, 2005

I Never Thought I'd Say This

Some producers at VH1 must be geniuses...

So imagine if you will the eighties. Some of you remember them some of you were born in them. Regardless, the eighties were a magical time. Everyone should remember or know that there was a crazy fad known as hair bands. These bands were made up of crazy dudes who thought they were metal but were really just glam freaks who borrowed their sisters hair spray and sang lame power ballads. Anyone who remembers the eighties should remember Motley Crue who I think I'm justified in saying officially ended their commercial career with Dr. Feelgood in 89. If you know about the Crue then you know of Vince Neil. Vince was one of those glam guys that took it so far he was apparently the inspiration for Aerosmith's song Dude Looks Like a Lady.

Well, not anymore. Now Vince is a washed up rocker, an alcoholic and an overweight slob. So VH1 had the great idea to "remake" him. What do you do to "remake" Vince Neil? Well you start by hooking him up with a steroid of a man who is a personal trainer. Then you have the trainer remove all the "empty calories" from Vince's house including throwing his beer down the sink. Then you give him some plastic surgery to take care of his unglam wrinkles and take care of a little of that extra poundage. After that you get two of the most raggity looking guys you can find to be his appearance consultants. Of course you cut and color his hair. Then you set him up with some producer to record a new relevant song. Finally when all is said and done you get the new Vince a hot motorcycle and have him perform for a tremendoulsy small crowd at the Palms Casino in the middle of the afternoon.

Yep. It was magic.

I want more. I can hardly wait for more washed up eighties stars to be remade. How about Sebastian Bach, Phil Collins, Brett Michaels, Sting, Richie Sambora, Cindy Lauper, Kip Winger, Mick Jagger, Pat Benatar or just anyone from Def Leppard?

--Chuck

4 Comments:

Blogger Branshine said...

Chuck if you ran for president I would vote for you and use all of my false voter registrations with the exception of the one I always save for Nader.

1/06/2005 11:06 AM  
Blogger Claire said...

Remaking Axl Rose... that would be sweet. Maybe they could find his eyebrows.

1/06/2005 12:56 PM  
Blogger Chuck said...

You're right. I totally forgot about Axel...

--Chuck

1/06/2005 2:00 PM  
Blogger Puma said...

I always wanted to see what Boy George actually looked like.

1/07/2005 6:37 AM  

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